A Shift Makes No Difference

clouds over sand beach

A_Span sometimes gets far afield of the original parameters or intentions of writing here. For one thing, writing about writing here wasn’t on the menu. I suppose it’s good that some of the things that were driving me to wit’s end — namely, meds and treatment, etc. — haven’t been such ever-present issues in the last year or two, so I have been less driven there.

Right now the meds part has loomed large. I saw my prescriber in April and received a handful of prescriptions. Yay. All set until October. Just go home and update my spreadsheet, because I need to keep track of those things that I need to take in order to be able to keep track of things like that and my life in general. There is not a perfect confluence of my appointment dates, refill dates, and insurance coverage dates. If I try to fill a prescription too early, it could be denied. If I try to fill it at just the right time, it might be denied. So I have to find the day when it’s not too early to fill but not too close to when I run out.

I have to go to THE pharmacy for this. Not just any old pharmacy. Not even one of a couple three pharmacies. If THE pharmacy should happen to be out of these particular meds, or have less than the prescribed amount, I can’t go somewhere else, even within that chain, unless I would like to deal with a) the second or third pharmacy also being out; b) insurance denying my claim and c) having my record in the state’s PDMP database flagged for potential prescription medication abuse or misuse. In the case of a supply shortfall, I could accept a lesser number of pills, but if I do, I will need to get another prescription (and thus pay a second co-pay) in order to get the remainder when it becomes available.

So I’m sitting here with my spreadsheets and a download of information from THE pharmacy, which I do think of as MY pharmacy because they are all very nice to me there, trying to figure out if it is worth it. Should I try to contact my prescriber in the middle of August to say: well, remember how you gave me a set of prescriptions which couldn’t be filled before 90 days had passed and could not be filled after 90 days had passed? I hadn’t remembered that I’m supposed to review the prescriptions once you hand them to me. And even if I had, I wouldn’t have realized the implications. No? Well, here’s the brief and cogent explanation summarizing my situation with a timeline of appointment dates and prescription fill dates and prescription expiration dates and the gaps.

If it’s not obvious, that’s way too complicated for me to call and leave a message about because I will not be able to keep the underlying defensiveness out of my voice. I am not trying to get extra drugs. I’m not about to fall short by six weeks worth because I’ve doubled up or misused the drugs which I need to take in order to remember to take the drugs I need to take in order to do things. Like remember to do things. But not mention in that message that the insurance claim for that visit was denied. It’s covered according to the policy, but it’s denied every time whether or not the CPT codes are correct or not (and all too often they are not, no matter how often I explain them to you). And sometimes I don’t feel like doing something where I know I will ultimately have to call someone to explain a situation that is not, in fact, due to my own fault.

So I’m obsessing about how to get by. Do I continue taking them on a daily basis until they run out, and probably slip into a torpor after a few days and spend a month which I will have no memory in or of? Do I try to skip days here and there until mid-October and thus undermine the habits I’m supposed to develop in order to develop habits? Do I conduct myself like a functioning responsible adult who does not just sit there watching life pass by? Do I find some random photo to slap in here and just post the damn thing and go outside where I can blame any and all torpor on the humidity?

This is a blog about adhd. Sometimes I forget that.

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